Goblin’s Shack & Porch

A lot of fans would think, that the Betelgeuse character would automatically fit into “the trailer-park lifestyle”, and maybe he would– yet beyond “simple deductions”, I would see his residence somewhere off in a Tim Burton forest of tangled, gnarled trees rising like gray wraiths, to find “his hole”, that he calls home. Even he needs his privacy “and down-time” as he wakes-up and reads the paper, in the morning– like something he bought at a ghostly small-town convenience store. The name on that paper?

“The Aeon Here-After”.

Heating & cooling ads, “Rent-a-Center” spreads, and his own company– there, in the printed circulars of a giant beetle with a Clark Kent head, walking-around with a mallet over its insectoid shoulder, “ready to whack the bio-living”. This, around a table. A rotted coffee cup, a jar of false-teeth, and an ash-tray overflowing with cigarette-butts. You think of pretzel bags rolled-up and held-shut with clothes-pens and “Roadkill Cafe” t-shirts draped over a creaky old chair, an ice-pack held up to his noggin.

His dog– “Old Post”: an old blind, hairy black poodle with the demeanor of a hip, jazz sheep-dog keeping him company. Watch this canine as it walks– as a giant hairy scrotum pendulates, obscenely as it sniffs along at its owner’s slipper and slops its muzzle-down in “Gravy Train” as Betelgeuse tosses through “old bills” with a “give ’em the slip” whistle.

Pounding steps. The door is kicked-down and a team of bounty-hunters storm through the living-room, two obese men decked-out in trench-coats and matching cowboy-hats.

“Justice will be served”, is their motto– and Betlegeuse’s face is slammed against the table as he looks-on, stark and socket-eyed as they read the writ of “Habeus Corpus” and haul him out of the house, and into the van. Throwing him through the wagons’ doors “with a clang” as they get in the front-side and drive-off silently.

That’s what you get when you fall behind on mortgage payments, as Betlegeuse rattles the bars and howls with displeasure. Life is “a debtor’s prison”, and it seems that Betelgeuse will have “to get a job” to pay off the balance.

Next. . . . . Punching the clock for undead forty and the employment record of Betlegeuse.


Goblin’s Shack & Porch

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