The Abomination Known as BARNEY


Barney the Dinosaur– abomination of kids’ PBS programming.

Funny story, how some poor teenager took a gig at a ghetto K-Mart opening, dressed-up as Barney to hand-out balloons to the kids yet got jumped by the Crypts. Watch as the costume’s head goes sprawling down the aisles as he’s being stomped and kicked.

I guess they really hated Barney.

Try, if you will– to think of a less wretched job as Beetlejuice dresses-up in a hot, stifled costume and speaks through-it with a muffled voice as the ultimate kids’ birthday clown. I wouldn’t hire him as a baby-sitter, but it’s an amusing possibility as he cleans-out the house like a baby-bandit robber and takes-off. But caught later, like a scene on “COPS”.

Though part of me thinks he would be good with kids, as a scurrilously-hyper trailer-park pirate, yet blowing kisses toward mothers as it’s a lousy domestic gig.

Novelty sells holiday sales, and other than patting the wheelchair-bound man on the shoulder, who’s holding up a sign-up for on-coming traffic– Beetlejuice roams the shopping center parking-lot and otherwise “clowns-up” for mega savings super-sales.

Once, years ago McDonald’s was celebrating a grand opening and there was Batman & Robin dressed up in tights and long-underwear and maybe only three people came.

Oh, the power of the flyer– as it’s a grungy bottom-dollar lot that only few people read. I guess possibilities were limited in what was pretty-much the pre-internet era where word-of-mouth wasn’t far-reaching enough and it’s hard to get noticed.

Kudos to “Craigslist” with free ads– but of course, the right person has to look at the ad. But hey, we do our best over here on this blog and word-of-mouth has been increasing. We’re a cult-website for a cult movie and we shall never run out of ways to expound on the topic, will we?

The tang of fall in the air reminds me that Halloween is coming pretty soon. Anyone going to dress-up as Beetlejuice? Just wear a ragged old coat, if pin-stripes are hard to find so you look like a drifter down at the railroad station. Eat a lot of sugar and improvise “like the devil”. For this, I got to see. . . . .

We’ll be back soon, kids. In the meanwhile you’ll have a whole lot of lizards and snakes to play with, as we keep it “a notch, above”. Until then– don’t sign away your soul down at the mortgage office, because this property is either cold and stiff as a board or the greatest thing since sliced bread.


The Abomination Known as BARNEY

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