Lobster Man from Mars…..

Down a video aisle near you….. according to the forgone graveyard of VHS Flea-Market gems for one’s stupefaction and bargain-basement delight.

A movie about “A really bad movie” shopped around to a sleazy Hollywood Mogul who seeks out a box-office “tax write-off” to dodge the wrath of the hungry IRS.

The filmmaker screens his film and the potential distributor– sitting there pulling his sweaty collar with a giant medallion– is shocked & amazed.

Like he’s privileged to witness the next “Citizen Kane” of drive-in pictures and exploitation bait, “as the market goes”. . . . . and call this a PG-rated grindhouse of zonkers fun.

The poor kid wrote, directed, produced, and edited his “bedroom-tinkered opus”.

It’s the kind of thing Beetlejuice would watch in his scuzzy dirt-mound of a dwelling at 4 A.M. on a Friday. . . . . hitting the road afterward to grab a huge sports mug of French Vanilla coffee down at the local 24-hour Quicktrip.

It’s called NEET– “N.either E.mployed, in E.ducation, or T.raining” across the rolling scrub-lands and apartment complexes of glorious marginality.

Here, the world is early-dawn-gray like a television tuned to a dead channel.

Ahhh, the joys of social-security disability.

Just don’t break into cars and find oneself in the back of a squad car or even featured on an episode of “COPS”.

GOD BLESS AMERICA, “PATRIOT”.

Lobster Man from Mars…..

The Golden Turkey Award

May we hold our hats to our chest in solemn remembrance of two great figures from the ookey-spookey world of black-and-white cult horror.

If you remember, Lydia dropped a “Night of the Living Dead” reference in Beetlejuice when confronting the rather hapless, innocent spooksters in sheets with cut-out eye-holes and worse acting.

Not to say, that you couldn’t “achieve an effect” as the original 1968 classic ran on about similar production values.

And not forgetting Ed Wood who cobbled together his movies with manic haste and far littler talent to win “The Golden Turkey” award. Somehow, he enlisted the fading, raspy talent of a resurrected Bela Lugosi who probably should have remained “unexhumed” from a deep drug habit.

Played in the actual movie, “Ed Wood” by Martin Landau—who passed away.

And not forgetting George Romero who came up with the original “Night of the Living Dead”.

Midnight showings of transgressive celluloid, you might even call “Beetlejuice” another entry in the projection-room of cult hits and buttered popcorn mayhem.

No one ever went broke “underestimating the bad taste of the American public” though Martin Landau won an Academy Award.

You can’t “spin shit into gold”, or can you? You’re looking at this very website! And it’s for you, my undead mindless legions zoning in to this forsaken corner of the WordPress blogosphere.

Like that movie, “Die Hard”. The sequel should have been “Die Harder”. The third entry should have been “Die Hard with a Vengeance”. The fourth installment, “It won’t Die!”

Where there’s a sequel, there’s an after-life.

Beetlejuice won’t remain buried, I’m sure.

  

The Golden Turkey Award

“Just Kidding”, Johnny

Johnny Depp and tim burton– we kid you both! A sordid transformation, “Fear & Loathing” for Gonzo-Goth Mesphistos!

Frenzied Lindy-Hop Convulsions– and see if you can find Amber Heard here.

(Not an Outake from “Ed Wood”. . . . .)

The Sniff of Beetlejuice Abounds. . . . . .

“Just Kidding”, Johnny