A Wastoid Speaks, Jaded ‘R us.

movies_tim_burton_career_2   tombstone

Coming to a graveyard near you. . . . . as Beetlejuice sits on a tomb-stone and shrugs his shoulders impishly if asked “what gives him the right”.

It takes a dark kind of soul to hang-out in a graveyard and over come the gothic kids and black metal fans in face-paint and simmering defiance as Beetlejuice welcomes them with open arms. Seem kind of young– and stupid too.

Kids always find it gratifying when adults take an interest in them. Beetlejuice could be 40 or 4000 years old with the allure of beer and cigarettes, dodging respectability. You’d call him a con-artist or bunco man as his creative reach doesn’t extend much further than using a stick to lift-up the skirt of Barbara Maitland. In craft and guile– it’s not much higher than what you’d see down at a flea market for petty thievery and other tall tales.

Putrescent rot and decay. . . . . drawn to mischief like flies to a pile of shit as a scheme is working through his putrid noggin as he’s devilishly fond of contracts.

He will give you knowledge. . . . . for a price.

What is the secret? Maybe the big answer is that there’s not really an answer– and you sell your soul to find out. It’s like “fine print”, or death– or no such thing “as a free lunch”. What will you find out? Maybe that “no matter where you go, THERE YOU ARE” as it couldn’t be any simpler or more grotesque than “free will” and “spiritual limbo”.

So what are you gonna do? Get wise, get older– “settle-down”. The world of carny’s, roadies, and trailer-living turns out to be more dreary than flashy as there we are, all giving an account for ourselves with our hands shrugged-out in the rotten perfume of wasted youth. For those who don’t believe in elder’s wisdom– soon you will become the elders and it all goes full circle as the land of death lays beyond.

What is death like? Maybe a Department of Motor Vehicles as you’re processed like a flat, laminated card until all the life is drained-out. Our miseries duly counted, not worth one whit as part of being an adult is taking responsibility while setting-aside some free time.

Sincerely, a jaded/post-teenaged poet.

beat_girl   wpid-wp-1444570329192.jpeg

Advertisements
A Wastoid Speaks, Jaded ‘R us.

Scream Until you Like It!!

Ah, something from my pre-school youth as true to the Halloween of ’86/’87 as can be blackly, subconsciously gleaned from proton-consciousness. Call it an era of “He-Man” and Gobots as everything trailed a long like a kind of half-logical “non sequitur” for an early mind that lived in dread of midnight nightmares.

You had the sensation “of being carried, along” as I remember being invited to a backyard Halloween party from one of the kids at school as there was a long “trash-bag tunnel” hanging up by trees, out by a strobe-light. Skipping around in my “Skeletor” costume, as I was too scared to make much headway there, over the course of the evening though I sidled-up, close– half-daring to. What was in that black maw? Anything, I suppose– and how things seemed to turn real if you imagined them, enough as you groped through surreality.

Maybe I’d retreat inside deeper to find a table hung with spider-webs as Beetlejuice lit a match and took a long drag off a foul, ookey cigaratte. And then offering to buy your soul like something out of a twisted fairy-tale as he tapped the ashes on the table. Flanked by an army of trolls and tangled “tree-monsters” making moans in the chill air.

The sale was so potentially awful and shiveringly “FINAL”, off you’d bolt from the goblin-hole as monstrous laughter followed you like something out of a creepy fairy-tale– like all of hell was pursing you through the inky, scrabbling blackness.

The world was certainly filled with lots of cheap horror movies and swords n’ sorcery you’d see in video-stores, which leads us to  “Ghoulies 2”.

Ah, they don’t make ’em like they used to.

You suspect that a young Winona was almost cast in this, like cute girl/big-eyed home video bait for all the kids watching at home, over an ordered pizza and sleep-over “fright-fest” at a friends’ house. The effects “were what they were” at the time as it amounted to rubber puppeteering and fog machines, and few goodies in the way of computers. The same, with “Critters” or anything falling in the copy-cat footsteps of “Gremlins”.

So Blackie Lawless of W.A.S.P. dressed like a Dungeon/Star trickster stars in a video/metal single that promotes the movie, similar to Dokken in “Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors”. Pure cross-promotional gold as it seemed– back in the early days of MTV. It doesn’t take long to put two & two together in emerging media forms as that was considered the golden touch of marketing.

I think a few beasties like this might make their way into “Beetlejuice 2”. No promises. So stay tuned for our next installment and happy “All Hallow’s Eve” to you listeners. So say it once, twice for effect, third time for “good luck”– “BEETLEJUICE 2 RULES!!”.

Scream until you like it. . . . .

Scream Until you Like It!!

BJ: Faith-Healer & Televangelist

wpid-wp-1444570195909.jpeg   wpid-wp-1444570760408.jpeg

Seen, up at @

http://www.paladin-press.com/product/How_to_Get_Rich_As_a_Televangelist_or_Faith_Healer/Financial_Freedom

A book description that reads as follows:

Learn how to make a fortune as a religious con artist. This lucrative career has sustained countless scoundrels, frauds and hucksters for millennia. If you play the part right, you will be blessed with riches, power, prestige and sex.

Discover the easy, inexpensive ways to get religious credentials (and the tax-free status that goes with them), how to develop your following, how to tailor your message for maximum gain and how to weasel out of trouble when your lavish lifestyle or personal misconduct hits the fan.

Your victims will be the feeble, the old, the poor and the desperate, so this is for people with no conscience whatsoever. Get ready to stare into the hopeful faces of the lame and the terminally ill and lie, convince working people to send you their last five or ten bucks by telling them that God will return the donation a hundredfold and rob nursing home residents of what little they have as they hang on to every word you say. In return, you will give them a good show, a temporary emotional high and a hefty dose of false hope. And you will be one rich SOB!

Whether you’re actually considering a career in televangelism or just studying their methods to protect yourself or a loved one, you’ll find page after page of shocking, amusing and heartbreaking true stories from the world of religious chicanery.

Hold on to your seats, folks

Something tells me that a streak of Beetlejuice lives in motor-mouthed televangelism and other fast-talk as he could literally “fall out of his Beelzebub ways” with a laying-on of hands for a quick conversion– moving in all ways holy and dubious “as a transformed creature”.

Casting out demons, as it were– as 666 devils, goblins, snakes, and lizards pop out of his mouth in bottomless evil down at the ole’ revival tent. Spirits bump against heads of parishioners and bounce about like crazy as you have a real exorcism going on, there.

He sees the light! Now, in a cheap suit with his hair flying rotted and wild as always as “Bible Study” theology discussion takes on wild, unscripted directions. (He speaks from extensive, personal experience). Pray, work, and die– as he’s “touched with the spirit” and slathers on “the praise” with bad, rotted teeth– the empty collection plate rattles with a genuine home business– howling with “the anointing” with a touch of werewolf as the most entertaining show on local cable-access television.

A bit of faith-healing with a pinched-brow, a magician’s bag of tricks.

Going around carnivals and selling “patent medicine” from an illegal whiskey still and otherwise being much like a television kids’ show host for a bunch of skeptical, laughing 13 year-old’s as he wraps his arms around their shoulder and lures them into the revival tent– otherwise raving-on against masturbation and the like.

You’ll be rolling with holy-laughter as you haven’t seen a character “so earthy” since John the Baptist, a pinch of brimstone and a thing for cute church secretaries. A divinity degree bought online from a diploma mill as that’s “Pastor Beetle” to you.

A Bonus:

“Attention, K-mart Shoppers–“

Someone uploaded all the Muzak that played, month-to-month at K-mart stores and seems oddly appropriate, at the mention of our bargain-discount buddy as dogged shoppers push their carts down the aisles, “like walking death”.

http://boingboing.net/2015/10/11/this-guy-uploaded-a-collection.html

And also: Miss Winona is as curious about this new Beetlejuice movie as anyone, and wishes that someone would shed light on the subject. Would she consider visiting this website for some genuine inspiration?

http://www.mtv.com/news/2346647/winona-ryder-beetlejuice-2-rumors/

Back tomorrow, kids– don’t sign-away your souls as Pastor Beetle would find ways to swindle you with a contract, made “with the devil, himself” as a bit of side business. We prophesize that a fool and his money will be soon parted.

BJ: Faith-Healer & Televangelist

Goth-Rock for These Times

Newrom3sdfsdfsfsdfsdf lydia_photography

A quick peek at the goth-rock scene in London that stared it all, edgy and defiant and blase like the imps of Western Europe staring-down the Berlin Wall.

http://dangerousminds.net/comments/nightclubbing_a_collection_of_photos_of_londons_new_romantics_scene_1979_19

Call them “The New Romantics”. Lydia can relate.

Left-ward, politically and highly artistic and sensitive– and into causes such as animal rights or Amnesty International or anti-nuclear power movements, they’ll shoot you a whiplash smile like a tribe of depressive brats in wicked eyeliner invading Cathedrals like imps, androids, waifs, poets, and black angels.

Surely, death-obsessed like decadent odes to rainy skies and urban decay– and portals into netherworlds of club-culture and “beat, happening” in mannered languor as strange & unusual as kids are impressionable and drawn to darkness.

Death on a practical level is like a vulgar t.v. repair-man of practical, unclean mind as death is far more romantic than bringing home a paycheck– where selling your soul is not more big a thing than getting your truck refinanced at Lou Fuze auto-dealer with the colored flags and giant inflatable “King Kong” bouncing like a black-cat firecracker along the main drag on Lindbergh.

Lydia lives in the city of tumbled-down feld-spar as St. Louis is made out of “moods and territories” that overlap and shade into each other as worlds will collide and we will have a very clever movie. I couldn’t turn to another town for better inspiration.

Beetlejuice 2: Hawaiian St. Margarita Coaster as you have a fiend in a lawn-chair, his feet in the kiddie pool, and knocking back a case of Busch beer.

Hang on with us, and more cinematic truths will unfold for the reader’s eye. . . . .

“Life is like an empty beer-bottle. . . . . . you always know what you’re gonna get”.

Goth-Rock for These Times

The Plot Thickens. . . . .

Hey, all.

Treating you to “Convoy” by C.W. McCall. A song of rebellious misadventure, as a true patriot would understand like a relay-gang building up diesel speed.

I can just see Beetlejuice motormouthing through the CB-radio, “hell-bound and down” as the best road movies have elements of “Smoky & The Bandit”.

(Lots of chases and car-crashes)

And what is to give this movie, weight? You need a plot-device, gathering-danger, a ticking clock or else it’s a bunch of little scenes strung-together with no momentum.

Envision this– a cross-country race over a truck that may or may not be carrying stolen drug-money and a suitcase of jewlery– or maybe just junk, headed to “The Dollar Store” as an outlaw motorcycle gang is in pursuit, along with the Missouri State Highway patrol on some “hot tip” that a terrorist is on the loose.

(It’s just Beetlejuice wrapping his sore head in a turban of bandages)

A cosmic misunderstanding, as forces close-in and the structure is in place inside the best tradition of Hollywood formulas.

Add some intrigue of a netherworld computer-hacker about “to crash” the universe and a military experiment gone awry, and worst-of-all. . . . . Lydia’s local cable-access show about to be canceled by a dirty real estate developer with an eye of paving St. Louis over in to a parking lot– we have a real story to work with.

Live undead, and a hell of a lot of fun piecing this script together as it’s slowly being pulled out of the netherworld and into the light-of-day. This is a labor of love and I’m glad my readers are with me, along for the journey as I do it for the fans– YOU!

Stay tuned, folks. More madness to come your way.

The Plot Thickens. . . . .

Trivia to Make Your Head Spin

Hello, everybody. . . . .

More antic madness from “The Gong Show” with a parody band known as “Green Jello”– famous for a video-only album of grotesquely bonkers/bogus metal-tunes and the best video-studio effects you could have in the early ’90s with Claymation and foam-rubber monsters. Later forced to change their name to “Green Jelly” because “Jello” is copyrighted by Krafts Foods Inc. But the songs on the “Cereal Killer” album were unchanged– even referring themselves as “Green Jello”.

Otherwise, the lyrics “wouldn’t have rhymed” and they weren’t about to re-record their album, say with overdubs. Just a minor footnote in creative skater/stoner history as their influence is handed down to me, this day– from the age of 12 as that was one of my first metal albums other than cheap $2.99 compilation cassette-tapes at the ole’ clearance and “odd lots, BIG LOTS” store down on the rough side of south St. Louis.

Hey, you get what you pay for. . . . . . and here are two articles full of well-researched trivia and other background information about the original Beetlejuice movie.

http://uproxx.com/movies/2015/08/beetlejuice-fun-facts/

http://www.denofgeek.us/movies/beetlejuice/248565/why-beetlejuice-2-has-a-lot-to-live-up-to

You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll hurl– your head will spin with production notes! All in bringing to you the best possibilities, living-up to a Beetlejuice sequel worthwhile.

We’ll be back, three shakes of a lamb’s tail. . . . . . so hold on to your temples and (don’t you hate it when that happens?) and see the world through a work-horse of bloggership, building steam like pistons unto my dream project.

See you in the funny pages.

Trivia to Make Your Head Spin