Yessir, the world had limited entertainment options “back in 1988”. Telephone “Party-Lines” were a thing– or getting lost in the labyrinth of an automated-system “for a thrill”. . . . . though the real shock was when your parents got the phone-bill. “in this world of worlds”, what do you think you, or I, or anybody “would dredge-up out there”?



Beetlejuice’s phone-line sits, “mostly unanswered” as it’s another “get-broke-quick” scheme. He’ll be “an internet millionaire in no-time”. . . . .




Infomercial unto THE NETHERWORLD

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When I look at Beetlejuice in all of his late ’80s/early ’90s glory I can’t help but think of the commercial breaks on those swill-like, low-rent hours on the local budget stations as the name of the game was syndicated programming or even “paid-commercial spots”.

Down there, at the bottom of the barrel you’d see these sort of employment training programs at unaccredited colleges that would dramatize office work, or being rejected “for not being qualified” as it was so much “big hair” and dress-suits and other early ’90s conventions of style as garish as it was dead-end and cheap, cheap, cheap.

Life pivoted between The World Wrestling Federation preview-show and two-star movies as they obviously weren’t aiming for a high-class lot. You’d see cheap commercials, for maybe “Slim-Jim” beef-sticks and trashy titles for the Nintendo Entertainment System along with “Bargain Barn” thrift-store spots– and my favorite, Schiewg-Engle rent-to-own kind of deals, about as pretty and gruesome as a pawn-shop and car-title loan places.

Every problem has an easy solution, apparently– as Beetlejuice himself could star in one of those things as the netherworld is much like here, full of endless dead time and bad financial arrangements. In a drama of heavenly angels and lurking fiends crawling-up from the earth like rot n’ decay and bad contracts in the war over souls.

Rolling up in a clattering-truck with his company slogan painted on the side and screwing people over as the after-world is full of con-men and lizards and predators as you wonder if Beetlejuice is the nephew of Beelzebub and other ancient, foul demons.

But for modern times. . . . . as it’s much the same hard-sell tactics as in his original commercial-spot, like temptation. In the movie he ran his bio-exorcism business that hired him out like a contractor to chase-out “the living” as I much imagine him in the sort of trailer-park/refinancing business– getting “a second chance” at existence as you “rent-to-own” the bodies of lowly-creatures on a real budget plan, in exchange for giving-up your soul, forever if you can’t pay.

Therefore, locked in usurious drudgery as you will otherwise be tossed “in limbo” for eternity as Beetlejuice licks his finger and counts the bills.

You will be shocked, you will be amazed, you’re in store for a great sequel. Thanks for visiting, and we’ll return back soon like flies to shit or another hot Hollywood property.

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Infomercial unto THE NETHERWORLD