Yankee Doodle Beetle

Yankee Doodle Beetle went to town, riding on some mischief. . . . .

Knocked back some Malt Liquor and Thunderbird, took lydia’s Hand and kissed it.

  

St. Louis is a Patriotic Place, you’ll never call it “A Lemon”. . . . .

HomeBound & Down, You’ll Scream for More and Impress all the pretty Women.

  

Patriotic Glory Day, you’ll Love this Groovin’ Country. . . . .

Home-Cooked Blogger’s Doggrel, we’ll leave you with the Sequel “munchies”.

  

Amateur’s Gung-Ho Stake, you’ll never get sick & Tired. . . . .

I work on this free and will never quit or get fired.

  

“The Price is Right”. . . . . thanks for sticking around! Like a dog on a ham-bone, “Development Hell” continues as we “winter” at Valley Forge.

 

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Yankee Doodle Beetle

Serfdom at “Wally-World”

 

Wal-mart. . . . . box-store of enchantment. And number 1 employer of what you and I know as “THE RED-STATE EXPERIENCE”. Never has someone had to show such gung-ho, merry customer service for serfdom as you otherwise have employees in blue-vests singing “Zippity Do-Dah” out of their assholes, “Mousketeer” style– with a kazoo.

Maybe “working for someone else” is merely getting yourself forced along “by someone’s obsession”, be that customer service or the retail mission statement like giddy “Jim Jones” cults for customer savings. Indeed, irony has little place here and even Beetlejuice has to “get with the program”.

Cribbing a bit from the fellow Warner Bros. property, “National Lampoon’s Vacation” you had “Wally-World” standing in for Disneyland with a cartoon moose as company spokesman. The happiest place on earth– open 365 days a year. Only in the movie, the family straggled in to find the park closed for a couple of weeks for maintenance and repair. . . . .

But make no mistake, Wal-Mart is open 365 days a year.

Why not call it “Small-Mart”? Yeah right, the largest box-store of its kind that stretches several football fields in length. You’d better keep Beetlejuice supervised amid all that “moral hazard” and easy thievery.

Smile, you’re on surveillance camera! Believe me, if someone thought of it– store security has set-up countermeasures to stop “shrinkage”. Think of a poster in the break-room of a troll-toothed bulldog brandishing a hockey stick and batting away “free scores” to keep the larger “goal” of staying competitive. Rolllff!

Of course, that doesn’t stop some mischievous cretin to hacking into the intercom system and playing the sound-FX from pornographic-movies while the manager scurries-around, trying to shut-down the public address system.

All sorts of stunts back there in the stock-room. Nailing a wallet to the floor and tricking some sucker into bending-over and straining his back.

Or kicking-around empty boxes like a deranged soccer match as the electronic board side-sweeps “Work is Fun!” across the sign. Tape up a piece of cardboard with work is (F)ucked squiggled in with a marker to give it an entirely-different meaning.

They don’t even have the easy jobs anymore where a retiree sits in a wheelchair and greets customers at the wide front-doors. Instead you have receipt-checkers halting customers to prevent “more shrinkage”. Such, such are the ways of the corporate retail world.

Lower prices, happier savings. . . . . ALWAYS.

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Buy American. We send prices down to hell

Serfdom at “Wally-World”

“Beetlejuice 2” According to “Funny or Die”

Eternity has “no Shot-CLOCK”. . . . .

Seriously– can we do better? Stay Tuned as we wade through “UNDEAD” DEVELOPMENT HELL LIKE THE SCRIPT THAT WOULDN’T DIEEEEEEEEEEE!

More to follow, “Take a number” and ENJOY “THE NIGHT-CHILL” as Beetlejuice takes a smoke out in the parking-lot. By the stripes of his professionalism “IT WILL BE SHOW-TIME”.

“Beetlejuice 2” According to “Funny or Die”

When Hell Freezes Over. . . . .

snow_storm   roach_reverse

Greetings from St. Louis. Either your little piece of “cloud-9” or your mere ice-cube lot besides the cold Midwestern heart of hell.

Yes—we’re frozen-solid down here. Which means—time for blogging!

Trapped in the house—as I can’t help but share this little item from our local alternative newspaper that describes the fickle heart in our “state of emergency”, usually called-off in the due course of things.

http://www.riverfronttimes.com/artsblog/2017/01/12/the-15-phases-of-a-st-louis-snowstorm

Read it, know it, feel it. It’s about all summed-up there.

We have the street department out in force, and Beetlejuice serves his purgatory working for the local street department in the salt trucks. There—sbadowed in the cab and taking a sip from a hip flask of whiskey in a parka—his hair tangled-up in a nimbus as the gray afternoon darkens into nightfall.

As you know, dead souls “die” in whatever smooshed death and pay their dues for the fee of reincarnation. If it wasn’t being devoured by a sandworm, he may as well be gnashed in the teeth of Satan, himself at the very bottom circle of hell—the giant devil frozen in ice who mewls at the bottom of all nightmares.

Oh, well. Instead, this is just an inner-suburb of St. Louis with the overpass, railroad trestle, and corner of bargain commerce. A gas station—a discount clothes outlet in the same expansive parking lot as the American Contacts & Eyeglasses, the DMV, and “Little Caesar’s Pizza” by a little dog-walking park and trickle of a sunken stream by the hilly, wooded houses.

He could do way worse—WAY, WAY WORSE.

The fate of the community lays with men like Beetlejuice and he’s paid well for his 12-hour shift.

No—don’t park there! Pulled across the street from the pool-hall as a prostitute opens the door and climbs in the cab.

Just a slow day—as hell freezes over. Dead season—and cause to stay indoors.

Beetlejuice knocks his gloves together and lights a cigarette under the halo of the streetlight. Just a barnacle on the underbelly of civic business. The night is his home and soon he’ll be alone again with his festering thoughts.

THE KING OF BEERS.

And so long as you’re snuggled in. . . . . . we present you a teaser for the Beetlejuice 2 script BEFORE HELL FREEZES OVER. Pass it out far & wide like the billowing snowflakes across the region. And enjoy it as the dark necromancy of “he-who-cannot-be-named” leans against the tombstone with his ankles crossed. KILLING TIME.

Click on this link here. . . . .

bj2_teaser_1point3_wga

hooverville  raccoon

When Hell Freezes Over. . . . .

Rock & Roll Star

lydia_contour   puke

Rock & Roll Star

Hell, I didn’t know that Either!

sandwhich_and_soda_pop  hollywood_animal

LESSSDOLUNCH. . . . . Bill it to my agent!!

Hell, I didn’t know that Either!

Attention: K-Mart Shoppers (An Event)

Attention: Hollywood.

My moonshine kicks your cocaine’s ass.

See it now, as southern hard rock outfit Jackyl takes over a K-Mart parking-lot to protest the fact that the chain won’t carry their record. As if “Parental Advisory: Explicit Lyrics” was the end all, be all of discount box-stores.

So they launched a live publicity-stunt and pulled up in a flat-bed truck to play a concert. Beetlejuice runs thick here like blackberry wine as we set-up a protest outside of the Hollywood mainstream.

Humor me– and my humorous sequel. Construction continues!

leer  mississippi_map

Attention: K-Mart Shoppers (An Event)