All Gravel Roads. . . . . Lead to “El Duce”

 

 

If all gravel roads lead somewhere, you wouldn’t be surprised to pass old, broken-down trailers in the neighborhood. And a fixture of riff-raffery, some of Beetlejuice’s low-down neighbors poking around a grill like a whiskey-guzzling musk-rat.

Brutal, lordly. NSFW– (“Not safe for work) as if a dude like this even worked.

It’s “El Duce” from the shock-rock beer-belly set. You’ll recognize him for his sadomasochist stylings, concealing his objectionable identity with a black hood and guttural offensive charms as he fronted “The Mentors” like THE KINGS OF SLEAZE festering on the Pacific Coast.

Langouring trailer-park women in leather and garters, his presumed harem as he bulges out his eyes like bonk-headed, glazed space mutants in foam-rubber monster costumes “demanding to be gratified”.

Indeed, “a threat to health, wealth, and morals” whose raunchy lyrics were presented before Congress in hearings by “The Washington Wives”, calling for restraint and decency in the music industry. Good luck with that– the only thing they succeeded in doing was getting “Parental Advisory: Explicit Lyrics” stickers on tapes & CD’s and probably just making the offending music THAT MUCH MORE ENTICING.

No matter what, you’ll always have the bottom-feeders like ole’ El Duce putting on shows and selling underground records out of a car trunk, a slap on your shoulder and an ice-cold beer in the other hand as he yuks it up like an unsubtle statement about America.

Just another misfit in the world of Beetlejuice “who fits”.

Call him “Uncle Perv”. . . . . though I think Lydia would remain wary to the proposition of returning to a motel with his guy. After all, she broke-off the marriage contract with Beetlejuice in the movie, spared from obscene fate, an X-rated boast.

If even from El Duce– who once sensationally claimed that Courtney Love offered him money to whack Kurt Cobain. Maybe a nugget of some off-color joke “grows with the telling” but watch as everyone attempts to cash in.

Like a dubious character witness, I wouldn’t trust him either as you can’t forget Beetlejuice “selling used cars” at the cemetery lot with the giant lit sign– the giant arrow pointing to “dirt-low” credibility, the rotten truth in all “the fine print”.

A foul trickster, free speech for the dumb as you can’t “outlaw evil”. Keep this movie PG-rated, IF YOU DARE. Or else my name is Jerry Springer. . . . .

 

Don’t “Shake Hands with SNAKE”

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All Gravel Roads. . . . . Lead to “El Duce”

Scream Until you Like It!!

Ah, something from my pre-school youth as true to the Halloween of ’86/’87 as can be blackly, subconsciously gleaned from proton-consciousness. Call it an era of “He-Man” and Gobots as everything trailed a long like a kind of half-logical “non sequitur” for an early mind that lived in dread of midnight nightmares.

You had the sensation “of being carried, along” as I remember being invited to a backyard Halloween party from one of the kids at school as there was a long “trash-bag tunnel” hanging up by trees, out by a strobe-light. Skipping around in my “Skeletor” costume, as I was too scared to make much headway there, over the course of the evening though I sidled-up, close– half-daring to. What was in that black maw? Anything, I suppose– and how things seemed to turn real if you imagined them, enough as you groped through surreality.

Maybe I’d retreat inside deeper to find a table hung with spider-webs as Beetlejuice lit a match and took a long drag off a foul, ookey cigaratte. And then offering to buy your soul like something out of a twisted fairy-tale as he tapped the ashes on the table. Flanked by an army of trolls and tangled “tree-monsters” making moans in the chill air.

The sale was so potentially awful and shiveringly “FINAL”, off you’d bolt from the goblin-hole as monstrous laughter followed you like something out of a creepy fairy-tale– like all of hell was pursing you through the inky, scrabbling blackness.

The world was certainly filled with lots of cheap horror movies and swords n’ sorcery you’d see in video-stores, which leads us to  “Ghoulies 2”.

Ah, they don’t make ’em like they used to.

You suspect that a young Winona was almost cast in this, like cute girl/big-eyed home video bait for all the kids watching at home, over an ordered pizza and sleep-over “fright-fest” at a friends’ house. The effects “were what they were” at the time as it amounted to rubber puppeteering and fog machines, and few goodies in the way of computers. The same, with “Critters” or anything falling in the copy-cat footsteps of “Gremlins”.

So Blackie Lawless of W.A.S.P. dressed like a Dungeon/Star trickster stars in a video/metal single that promotes the movie, similar to Dokken in “Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors”. Pure cross-promotional gold as it seemed– back in the early days of MTV. It doesn’t take long to put two & two together in emerging media forms as that was considered the golden touch of marketing.

I think a few beasties like this might make their way into “Beetlejuice 2”. No promises. So stay tuned for our next installment and happy “All Hallow’s Eve” to you listeners. So say it once, twice for effect, third time for “good luck”– “BEETLEJUICE 2 RULES!!”.

Scream until you like it. . . . .

Scream Until you Like It!!