Serfdom at “Wally-World”


Wal-mart. . . . . box-store of enchantment. And number 1 employer of what you and I know as “THE RED-STATE EXPERIENCE”. Never has someone had to show such gung-ho, merry customer service for serfdom as you otherwise have employees in blue-vests singing “Zippity Do-Dah” out of their assholes, “Mousketeer” style– with a kazoo.

Maybe “working for someone else” is merely getting yourself forced along “by someone’s obsession”, be that customer service or the retail mission statement like giddy “Jim Jones” cults for customer savings. Indeed, irony has little place here and even Beetlejuice has to “get with the program”.

Cribbing a bit from the fellow Warner Bros. property, “National Lampoon’s Vacation” you had “Wally-World” standing in for Disneyland with a cartoon moose as company spokesman. The happiest place on earth– open 365 days a year. Only in the movie, the family straggled in to find the park closed for a couple of weeks for maintenance and repair. . . . .

But make no mistake, Wal-Mart is open 365 days a year.

Why not call it “Small-Mart”? Yeah right, the largest box-store of its kind that stretches several football fields in length. You’d better keep Beetlejuice supervised amid all that “moral hazard” and easy thievery.

Smile, you’re on surveillance camera! Believe me, if someone thought of it– store security has set-up countermeasures to stop “shrinkage”. Think of a poster in the break-room of a troll-toothed bulldog brandishing a hockey stick and batting away “free scores” to keep the larger “goal” of staying competitive. Rolllff!

Of course, that doesn’t stop some mischievous cretin to hacking into the intercom system and playing the sound-FX from pornographic-movies while the manager scurries-around, trying to shut-down the public address system.

All sorts of stunts back there in the stock-room. Nailing a wallet to the floor and tricking some sucker into bending-over and straining his back.

Or kicking-around empty boxes like a deranged soccer match as the electronic board side-sweeps “Work is Fun!” across the sign. Tape up a piece of cardboard with work is (F)ucked squiggled in with a marker to give it an entirely-different meaning.

They don’t even have the easy jobs anymore where a retiree sits in a wheelchair and greets customers at the wide front-doors. Instead you have receipt-checkers halting customers to prevent “more shrinkage”. Such, such are the ways of the corporate retail world.

Lower prices, happier savings. . . . . ALWAYS.


Buy American. We send prices down to hell

Serfdom at “Wally-World”

Handbook for the Recently-Pranked

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Someone sent me a link on Facebook, one of those “memes” that pastes images over text as I wish to imitate the idea in the truest form of homage by remixing it right here.

So it’s the “Handbook for the Recently Deceased” chucked in the direction of the newly-dead and spiritually-orphaned that proved to be an eerie plot-point in the original “Beetlejuice” as newly-weds Barbara and Adam Maitland found themselves marooned in the hereafter. Funny, it “read like stereo instructions” or even the legalese of the dusty tax code as tomes fall on the table and frighten you with their finality.

If you moved a passed-out drunk into an attic and locked the door– leaving out nothing but “The Handbook” would it dawn on him, paging through the book– that maybe he was deceased? What a dirty trick. . . . .

. . . . . as there was once a story out of The Arabian Knights about a peasant in the city who was drugged and woke-up in the sultan’s palace of pleasures, led to believe he was really royalty all along. Then drugged again, and waking up in his usual humble lodgings. He began handing out orders and raving when no one would listen to him.

Of course there’s the story when a sultan played a prank and had his victim drugged, waking up in a pit of wild animals that had their teeth and claws removed. Rousing into consciousness and scurrying around with the growls of beasts following him.

What else do you do for an encore? Maybe we’re all victims of a big cosmic joke when you think about it– a theater of the absurd as then again, Beetlejuice is not one to go off quoting Shakespeare or anything. To be or not to be, is the question.

We answer it with this website.

The rules of the universe wouldn’t have it any other way.

Happy haunting!

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Handbook for the Recently-Pranked