Wretched & Glorious– “Troll 2”

We bring you a cautionary tale. . . . . the worst movie ever made. But “brace yourselves”, you will certainly be entertained.

Following in the path of “Gremlins”, “Critters”, and “Ghoulies”– it was on the rack of low-rent schlock in your local video-mart’s horror section. No one will say you’d ever find much in the way of “Academy Award material” as it was the climate of raked blood and horror VHS culture that could have only existed back in the home video climate, with all the foam rubber masks and special fx puppetry for a perfect night at a squealing 13 year-old’s sleep-over party.

In a genre known for hack and slash jobs, this gem was especially bad– shot in 3 weeks by a harried Italian film-crew lost in the American West and hiring only the rankest amateurs they could attract with flyers. It was meant to be entitled “Goblins” but was billed as a sequel to “Troll” a couple of years before like a tacked-on after-thought and how the films had nothing to do with each other. But who would know the difference– or even care?

Could I do any better, if given a camera under a schlock budget? Not by a long-shot. Oh, never-never. But you never know– most wanna-be’s are barred by the prohibitive cost of film-stock, if not other filmmaking know-how that makes “even trying” a wall too high to climb. Even Ed Wood couldn’t do better, as faith does the rest– and eventually you’ve attracted an unintentional cult-following. . . . . as these movies are “never dull”.

Will “Beetlejuice 2” turn-out better? I certainly hope so.

Back again, soon as this our 150th post and going strong. . . . . our continued march to take over the world, standing on the shoulders of giants to bring you amateur-hour fandom. Gong the bell, sound the charge– we’re going all the way!

Wretched & Glorious– “Troll 2”